Girls: Stay alert! From Paris to Las Palmas we've taken stock of a new strain of cheesy one-liners. And believe us, some are way more sophisticated than, "Here's 10p, phone your mum, you've pulled."
Guys: Are you ready to step into your holiday persona as a silver-tongued Casanova, breaking hearts from Corfu to the Canaries? Well, before you don your lucky pants in preparation for a fortnight of sun, sea and sensuality, here are a few words of love not to practise in the mirror.
Prepare to giggle at the chat-up lines doing the rounds at holiday hot spots this year. You'll be surprised at which nation's Lotharios come out on top.
France
Ah, la France! The spiritual home of kissing, the bikini and the eternally sexy hit single
je t'aime.
For a nation fuelled almost entirely on oysters and champagne, you'd expect their chat-up lines to be as buttery as a pain au chocolat. And you wouldn't be far wrong.
"Pick-up lines are normally sophisticated," claims Paris-local Audrey Manini. "The best I heard recently was 'Voulez-vous coucher avec moi pour €1000?' — Would you go to bed with me for €1000?"
"Then he said: 'We have to hurry because I need the money urgently!' This is quite topical I would say, especially with the financial crisis."
Verdict: Stay on your toes, rosbif. The French blend sophistication with buckets of Gallic charm.
Holland
Dutchmen may tend to be blond, strapping and terribly polite, but do they exude the burning passion of their Latin counterparts?
"Our English language skills make it easier to pick-up foreign chicks on vacation," explains Rotterdam architect Hendrik de Jong. The sly dog!
His summer chat-up line for the coming crop of English tourists to the Netherlands: "'Je lijkt op mijn vierde vriendin' — you look like my fourth girlfriend.
"She then says, 'O, hoeveel vriendinnen heb je gehad dan?' — oh, how many girlfriends have you had?
"'Drie' — three."
Verdict: 100 percent Gouda.
Egypt
With the Red Sea Riviera one of 2009's hot destinations, have Egyptian men got the edge over their continental counterparts?
Not quite, according to Cairo-based photographer Naomi Brauer. "A local pick-up is, 'You have eyes like a cow.' Also, Egyptian men like their women heavy. So if you have a tummy they say, 'You are nice and fat.'"
Verdict: May work domestically, but won't make a lass from Oz feel like Cleopatra.
Greece
To many people, Greek men are the epitome of masculinity. They invented wrestling and siege warfare, and didn't wear skirts quite the same way the Romans did.
But according to Athenian lawyer Frank Kydoniefs, cheesy lines of Olympian proportions are circulating around the Greek Islands this summer:
"How about a pizza and a shag?" "No? I guess you don't like pizza."
"Do you make love to strangers?" "No? Okay, let me introduce myself then."
Verdict: Pour yourself another ouzo, love. Zeus has entered the building.
Italy
Botticelli distilled the female figure while Michelangelo sculpted the Renaissance around its naked curves. What are the latest love lines from the land of Casanova, Lothario and Francesco Totti?
Bologna-based pilot Massimo Benassi is surely an appropriate source: "If you're sitting next to a girl, and there is chemistry, ask her, 'Vorresti barciarmi?' — would you like to kiss me?
"If she says 'Si,' then kiss her obviously. If she says 'Forse' (maybe) then say, 'Be indaghiamo piu a fondo' — let's delve a little deeper.
"But if she says 'No' then say, 'Ho detto che potevi, e' solo che sembra che tu stia pensando qualcosa' — I didn't say you had to, I just assumed you'd been thinking about it."
Verdict: As convoluted as a risotto recipe. Italian men are all talk and no trousers, judging by this line.
The Philippines
The Philippine dating scene may be a grey area for travellers, but surely their chat-up lines must be more romantic than those here?
Well, it's all innocence according to Prague-based Filipina Liezel dela Isla Alemany: "Most relationships are slow burners, because most couples probably went to the same school together.
"Chat-up lines tend to be tame or playful," Liezel claims, "such as, 'Naniniwala ka ba sa love at first sight? O gusto mong dumaan ulit ako?', which means 'Do you believe in love at first sight? Or would you like me to pass by one more time?'"
Verdict: Better than the British classic "I'm no Fred Flintstone but I'll make your bedrock." And way sweeter.
Turkey
The Image Hotel in Turkey's popular resort of Marmaris hit the headlines in 2008 when the female manager sacked her entire male staff for getting jiggy with the guests.
"The last straw was when I saw our bartender, who was a very decent man, walking out of the bathroom with a British tourist during work hours," she explained.
What's Turkey's line to look out for in 2009? "I am a virgin and you are beautiful. I would like for you to teach me how to please a woman."
Verdict: Don't believe a word of it. But then again, who said flattery got you nowhere?
The United States of America
America's latest world export — its president — is a smooth and sophisticated man of action, but not all American men are from quite the same mould.
Albuquerque journalist Teresa Cutler shares this gem of a chat-up line with us: "At a club in Arizona I asked a guy if he wanted to dance. He said, 'No, I'd like to get laid.' I blinked and asked him, 'How many times a night do you get slapped?' and he said, 'At least once, but I get results, too'."
Verdict: In the land that gave us fast food and free love, it pays to be direct.
Ireland
Citizens of the Emerald Isle are well known for their witty repartee. Saucy Dublin-local Donal Breslin conveys the following unvarnished line of love.
"This is a good one: 'Let's play army. I'll lie down and you can roll all over me.'" Not shy, is he?
Does it work? "For hen parties and that, no problem."
Verdict: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Germany
Being as they are a well-travelled nation with a reputation for nude sunbathing, you're quite likely to come cheek-to-cheek with a German holidaymaker this summer.
A 2008 study claimed that Germans were less promiscuous than Australians. Finns were the rampant rabbits of this official report, whereas the Taiwanese were the giant pandas.
However, with pick-up lines like these, suggested by options trader Glenn Redemann, you may still have to beat off advances from Martin, Helmut and Jürgen with a rolled-up beach towel:
"Du bist die süßeste Praline der Welt — und ich hab' die füllung." You are the sweetest praline in the world — and I have the filling.
"Hast du eigentlich schon gewusst das Polen und Indianer die besten Liebhaber sind? Ach, übrigens, mein name ist Geronimo Koslowski.' Did you know that Poles and Native Americans are the best lovers? Oh, by the way, my name is Geronimo Koslowski.
Verdict: Our German friends have the best chat-up lines this summer. It's enough to make you choke on your frankfurter!
What are your favourite cheesy chat-up lines from your travels?
Home