Never before has my entrance to a city been greeted with such fervour! The cab pulls up towards the old town in Edinburgh and out the windows I can see crowds on the streets, performers on stilts, clowns, madmen and beggars (who are not really mad or poor, but rather actors pretending to be mad or poor).

Welcome to Edinburgh at festival time, when every person you see is a player and all the world is a stage.

The Edinburgh International Festival kicks off every year in August and screeches on for three weeks like a derailed train — thrilling to watch, potentially painful to be a part of. But here as nowhere else, there really is pleasure in pain. Late nights, long walks, eating on the run, not enough sleep, a liquorice all-sorts of shows to pick from.

With film, theatre, opera, comedy, art, poetry and everything in between, it's as though a giant monster overtakes this mysterious and enchanted Scottish city and shakes it by the scruff of the neck. This year under the artistic direction of Jonathon Mills, thousands of actors, writers and directors, plus the crowds who have come to cheer them on, will arrive en masse to indulge in theatrical chaos.

Then there's the whole industry behind these artists, like amorphous plumes of darkness following in the dainty footsteps of shadow puppets — theatrical agents who have come to discover the Next Big Thing; movie makers who are hoping to get the rights to a little-known play; theatre producers who are hoping to chance upon the next Tennessee Williams or Harold Pinter.

And trust me, some sad mortals will do anything to get someone's attention, just as some desperate theatre producers will do anything to get front row seats.

And then there's you, just arrived from the airport and hoping to see some good shows. You and a few hundred thousand others.

So. Perfecting the art of the Edinburgh International Festival is a calculated mission that requires discipline, strength and endurance. The only possible comparison is with an actor surviving a three-week run of an underfunded independent play, complete with emotional uproar and late nights on the grog.

Challenging.

For starters, think about the logistics of accommodation. You didn't actually think you'd be able to swan in and find a cosy little boutique hotel near Leith Walk and book in? Wrong.

All these mad people need somewhere to sleep at night. Some check into posh hotels, others sleep on park benches, most rent apartments or sub-let rooms from cash-rich, asset-poor locals and squash in like sardines.

For this reason you are well advised to book at least two months ahead, if not more. Turning up like I did with a vague offer of an inch of loungeroom floor was hazardous, if not health threatening.

Then there's the question of what to see. Check out the official website in March when the season is launched and pay attention to detail such as running times (you don’t want to overlap shows), locations and price. You'll find the main ticket booth at The Hub, the festival's centre.

Then there is the snag — the Fringe Festival. The fringe festival is to the festival proper what a thousand ants are to a delicious honey sandwich — chaos on an altogether frightening level. Think jaw-dropping, heart-pounding insanity.

Chances are, this is where you'll witness someone really desperate do something really silly in front of some really dumbstruck people. Onstage or in the street, location doesn't seem to deter those needing to purge creatively. It can be fun, it can be mind blowing, it can be confronting. And it is well worth the accompanying loss of reason.

After all, fame found Tom Stoppard at the fringe festival when his debut play Rosencrantz and Guildenstern made theatre history in the '60s — when he was 25. And the team from the Full Monty all independently had shows here that helped them blossom as artists, as did Emma Thompson, Stephen Fry and Rowan Atkinson.

Please don't be frightened. The element of surprise is the biggest source of pleasure with these two slightly awkward siblings — you will get international world class shows as well as unforgettable (or sometimes very forgettable) gems. And wading through the bright, rainbow-coloured world of Edinburgh at festival time is well worth the effort.

And the loss of sanity.

Fact file

Edinburgh International Festival
Check out the website www.eif.co.uk in March to see what's playing

The Hub is the home of the festival and the place where you can get tickets at the official ticket office, plus food, drink and helpful contacts.

Edinburgh Fringe Festival
The website will keep you up to date with shows and you can book online. www.edfringe.com